Friday, January 19, 2007
Marriage and the "S" Word
by Chip Ingram
Every relationship, every business, every home has a leader. As modern and egalitarian as we profess to be, we can't escape the fact that there is a leader in every relational structure. Who is it in your home? If you aren't sure, consider these five questions:
1. Who initiates spiritual growth in your home? 2. Who handles the money? 3. Who disciplines the children when both of you are home?4. Who initiates talking about problems, future plans and areas to develop?5. Who asks the most questions in your home and who gives the most statements?
Did your answers surprise you? What did your answers tell you about the leadership of your home, and what do you think about it? My point, quite simply, is that in every relationship "the buck" stops somewhere. Leaders are those who initiate, who encourage, who make sure that what needs to be done really gets done at the end of the day. They are responsible.
It doesn't mean they do it all, or even do it their way; it does mean they look ahead, plan, gather the family to talk through issues, make sure the bills get paid on time (regardless of who actually writes the checks) and provide benevolent oversight to the needs of the family.
In most homes, this weight falls to the woman by default. Feminism's message of "exert your rights," combined with passive males who are more than willing to sit in the recliner while the woman carries the weight, is at the core of much marital dissatisfaction. Men, the scriptures teach you are to be strong and gentle servant-leaders. But for men to lead, women must do one of the most fearful and difficult things in their lives … let them. What does this look like? The Bible calls it submission.
The woman voluntarily chooses to submit; this type of submission cannot be forced.
The way the word "submission" is used here implies a willful choosing on the wife's part. She lives a life that states, "Out of obedience to God and love for my husband, I choose to do follow my husband's lead." When a husband fulfills his role, his wife can confidently submit to his leadership. Any good leader knows that bullying and coercion don't motivate followers. A husband who is a good leader will make his wife feel safe, protected, developed. She will know that she has incredible freedom, that all of her thoughts, energy and gifts are being used in the relationship.
If she doesn't feel this way, the problem is in leadership, not in role appointment. A husband who demands authority and obedience, wielding his power as a weapon against his family is neither in submission to Christ nor a good leader. Great leaders, be they husbands or presidents, have people lining up to follow them because they serve people well — but they serve them by leading. A woman's greatest fulfillment and joy will be achieved in embracing God's design.
Within the marriage relationship, true joy is not found in autonomy, but in mutual submission and dependence on God. In spite of how the women's movement has benefited women in the workplace, it has short-changed them in the home by relegating the natural, God-given desire for motherhood to a secondary position, and by encouraging women to think, act and live totally independently of their marriage partners.
This does not mean that a woman must have children in order to be fulfilled. True fulfillment for each of us, both men and women, comes only through an abiding relationship with Christ.
And it does not mean that a woman doesn't need to have an identity apart from her husband, and apart from her children – on the contrary, she needs to bring to these relationships a healthy, whole, complete person, sure of her own standing before God and her relationship with Him. Codependence does not strengthen the family unit any more than a workaholic father does.
It means, rather, that in this wholeness, this strength, she must willingly, continually set aside her defiant independence and join with her husband in submission to the Choreographer. As husband and wife join together with the higher goal of honoring God, they are free to experience the incredible, inexplicable joy He offers to those who put Him first. This is God's design for true fulfillment in marriage.
Excerpted from the booklet, Men and Women: Enjoying the Difference, by Chip Ingram. Used with permission. Copyright 2000, by Chip Ingram. All rights reserved. About the author: Chip Ingram is President of Walk Thru the Bible in Atlanta, GA, and Teaching Pastor of Living on the Edge, a national radio ministry. Walk Thru the Bible was founded in 1976 and is based in Atlanta, GA.
Tuesday, May 28, 2002
Every relationship, every business, every home has a leader. As modern and egalitarian as we profess to be, we can't escape the fact that there is a leader in every relational structure. Who is it in your home? If you aren't sure, consider these five questions:
1. Who initiates spiritual growth in your home? 2. Who handles the money? 3. Who disciplines the children when both of you are home?4. Who initiates talking about problems, future plans and areas to develop?5. Who asks the most questions in your home and who gives the most statements?
Did your answers surprise you? What did your answers tell you about the leadership of your home, and what do you think about it? My point, quite simply, is that in every relationship "the buck" stops somewhere. Leaders are those who initiate, who encourage, who make sure that what needs to be done really gets done at the end of the day. They are responsible.
It doesn't mean they do it all, or even do it their way; it does mean they look ahead, plan, gather the family to talk through issues, make sure the bills get paid on time (regardless of who actually writes the checks) and provide benevolent oversight to the needs of the family.
In most homes, this weight falls to the woman by default. Feminism's message of "exert your rights," combined with passive males who are more than willing to sit in the recliner while the woman carries the weight, is at the core of much marital dissatisfaction. Men, the scriptures teach you are to be strong and gentle servant-leaders. But for men to lead, women must do one of the most fearful and difficult things in their lives … let them. What does this look like? The Bible calls it submission.
The woman voluntarily chooses to submit; this type of submission cannot be forced.
The way the word "submission" is used here implies a willful choosing on the wife's part. She lives a life that states, "Out of obedience to God and love for my husband, I choose to do follow my husband's lead." When a husband fulfills his role, his wife can confidently submit to his leadership. Any good leader knows that bullying and coercion don't motivate followers. A husband who is a good leader will make his wife feel safe, protected, developed. She will know that she has incredible freedom, that all of her thoughts, energy and gifts are being used in the relationship.
If she doesn't feel this way, the problem is in leadership, not in role appointment. A husband who demands authority and obedience, wielding his power as a weapon against his family is neither in submission to Christ nor a good leader. Great leaders, be they husbands or presidents, have people lining up to follow them because they serve people well — but they serve them by leading. A woman's greatest fulfillment and joy will be achieved in embracing God's design.
Within the marriage relationship, true joy is not found in autonomy, but in mutual submission and dependence on God. In spite of how the women's movement has benefited women in the workplace, it has short-changed them in the home by relegating the natural, God-given desire for motherhood to a secondary position, and by encouraging women to think, act and live totally independently of their marriage partners.
This does not mean that a woman must have children in order to be fulfilled. True fulfillment for each of us, both men and women, comes only through an abiding relationship with Christ.
And it does not mean that a woman doesn't need to have an identity apart from her husband, and apart from her children – on the contrary, she needs to bring to these relationships a healthy, whole, complete person, sure of her own standing before God and her relationship with Him. Codependence does not strengthen the family unit any more than a workaholic father does.
It means, rather, that in this wholeness, this strength, she must willingly, continually set aside her defiant independence and join with her husband in submission to the Choreographer. As husband and wife join together with the higher goal of honoring God, they are free to experience the incredible, inexplicable joy He offers to those who put Him first. This is God's design for true fulfillment in marriage.
Excerpted from the booklet, Men and Women: Enjoying the Difference, by Chip Ingram. Used with permission. Copyright 2000, by Chip Ingram. All rights reserved. About the author: Chip Ingram is President of Walk Thru the Bible in Atlanta, GA, and Teaching Pastor of Living on the Edge, a national radio ministry. Walk Thru the Bible was founded in 1976 and is based in Atlanta, GA.
Tuesday, May 28, 2002
# posted by The Persevering One @ 10:26 AM 
